In · the · absence · of · light, · darkness · prevails.

Ok, I know I'm gonna get made fun of for blogging about this, especially since I don't work there anymore. But I don't care. My friend Allison that I worked with there wrote a blog about this and it brought back a lot of memories, so I'm venting my frustrations too. :-)

Chick-fil-A was a big part of my life for almost 2 1/2 years. Some days were absolutely great. Those were the days that kept me working there. Everyone was in a good mood (co-workers *and* customers), things were running effeciently, we weren't so busy we didn't have time to think, etc. However, there were also bad, bad, bad days. Customers were rude, making co-workers cranky. Everything felt like it was falling apart. No one would have time to go get simple things like ice or change out a soda line, thereby putting even more pressure and stress on the ordertakers. So here are a few simple things that I learned at CFA. Allison lists a lot of the same ones.

1. Do NOT bite people's heads off for making a mistake. More than likely, it's not the cashier's fault. Yes it is part of our job to check but you can only look into so many white bags before everything starts to run together.

2. Do NOT leave a huge mess for the dining room person to clean up. Yes, they're going to clean it up but only because they can't just leave the table a mess. On that same note, don't leave nasty dirty diapers at the table either. :-P

3. If you don't like tomatoes, pick. them. off! Don't hold up the line by having us make a whole new wrap or sandwhich. The kitchen people work very hard and have more important things to do. If you're allergic to it, that's one thing. Otherwise, take care of it yourself.

4. Do NOT hit on the girl trying to help you. It's creepy and annoying. She isn't there to be your eye candy, she's there to work. And no, she is NOT on the menu! Take your un-original self someplace else.

5. If you smoke, don't blow it in the person's face. And if it's weed, you shouldn't even be driving!

6. If you want light/extra/no ice, tell the person you're giving your order to BEFORE they make the drinks!!!!!!

7. If you've just order 4 large lemonades and the person getting them has filled 2 1/1 of the cups, don't decide then that you want diet instead. Lemonade is expensive and takes time to make and we can't just dump it back into the machine.

8. Look at the dang menu board! It says right there that a combo *includes fries*! And if you don't want fries or a drink, then it's *not* a combo! On that same note, the difference between a #1 and a #7? It's coleslaw, which is also on the menu board. There are even pretty pictures to help you with this hard, hard fact.

9. Do NOT talk on your cell phone when the person behind the counter is trying to help you. CFA prides itself on being quick while also giving good service. You being on the phone just slows things down and it's *rude*! There are other people in line waiting to order. If you don't know what you want or you need to finish a conversation, step out of line.

10. Do NOT throw your money at the cashier. Hand it to them nicely.

11. Do NOT sit at the drive-thru window counting out all of your change. You have probably just had at least a minute to do that while you were waiting in line. Also, keep the weather in mind. The cashier has to open that window and be blasted with the freezing cold/heat/rain every time a customer drives up. So try to keep things quick.

12. Do NOT use all of your coupons in one visit. If you get a sandwhich, 3 large drinks, 2 8 nuggets and 3 brownies and pay for one drink, that throws off the cashiers check point average. Not to mention it says that our food is only good enough if you get it for free.

13. If the person helping you says hi or asks how you are, answer them. Don't stare at them or at the menu board or just say "Give me....." The person is probably being genuine and even if they aren't, that's no excuse for you to be rude.

14. SMILE! It won't kill you, I promise. More than likely, the person helping you has seen their share of scowls and angry words already. A smile and a kind word can go soooooo far.

15. Do NOT ask us to throw your trash from your car away for you. We aren't allowed to anyway.

16. Acknowledge that the person helping you is in fact a person. We aren't robots. We are people with feelings. You ignoring us isn't helping us be any nicer to you.

17. We aren't psychic. You have to tell us what you want. Just because you know what drink you want doesn't mean it's made it to our thought process.

18. Do NOT, do NOT, do NOT drive off while the order taker is talking! You can wait another 30 seconds while they repeat your order, making sure that it's correct! That is beyond rude!

19. I know that those emails that go around telling you to go through a drive-thru, ask a million questions, change your order 5 times and then order a water are funny. However, it's not funny to the people working there. They have much better things to do then deal with your idiotic butt.

20. We cannot control the texture of the IceDream. Some days it's softer than others. If you only like it when it's hard, yellow and nasty, go buy some vanilla ice cream and leave it in your freezer until it has freezer burn. Same thing! :-P

21. Above all, have patience. The people who work there are human. They will make mistakes. It is not the end of the world. At Chick-fil-A, we try our very hardest not to make them but sometimes it can't be helped. Sometimes *you the customer* helped in our messing it up. If we can't hear you because you're blaring your music or you forgot to tell us something because you were yaking on the phone or you drove off before we could repeat the order, that is not our fault. As Allison said, the customer can be right for only so long. :-)

Last night we watched another Nooma video. Rob Bell was talking about his son and how he wanted this toy that wouldn't have been a good idea. Rob was going to take him to a store to get a kickball but all this little boy could see was this other toy that he thought would be better. He didn't have the ability to see things from his dad's perspective.

Rob then talked about how we do the same thing with God. We see something that we want. Maybe someone else has it and it looks cool. Or maybe we think that that's the thing that will make us happy. Make us complete. And so we pray to God for it. (I'll save my rant on treating God like Santa for a different blog. :-) ) Then we wait, often times tapping our foot impatiently with our arms crossed. Then when it either seems like God isn't answering or that He has said "no", we then say "But I thought You loved me! I just need this *one* thing! Then I'll be happy!"

Do we ever think about what maybe God is really saying? That maybe He has a good reason to say "wait" or even "no"? Because just like Rob could see the dangers/annoyances of the other toy, God can see things that we can't. He can see the danger or potential for irritation. In the area of waiting on the person we're going to marry, He can see areas where one or both of you may need to grow before you can come together. Or in the area of sex outside of marriage. It sounds fun but God sees the danger and the fact that someone will get hurt. Even things like the promotion you wanted or the vacation you didn't get to take.

In the words of Pink, "I'm a hazard to myself. Don't let me get me. I'm my own worst enemy." How often do we get in our own way? How often are we so focused on this one thing that we think God is holding out on us? How often do we miss the potential for blessing, far greater blessing then what we have in mind for ourselves?

What if that person that you think you should be married to/dating would be ok but there's someone better for you that you can't see? What if that job would pay the bills but there's a better job that you would enjoy more? Don't become so blinded by what you think you need that you miss out on the blessings that God has in store for you. And if God is obviously saying "no", don't decide to go off down the road by yourself. You will only bring harm to yourself and anyone you drag down that road with you. Be open to what God is telling you. Maybe behind His back He's holding the kickball that will be better than what you thought you wanted.

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

.....that when I'm uncomfortable/worried/sad, I make jokes to deal?

.....that I love eating peanut butter by itself?

.....that my middle name is Michelle?

.....that I'm addicted to chocolate?

.....that my favorite time of year is spring?

.....that I love to travel?

.....that I don't need a man to complete me?

.....that I make up stories in my head when I'm bored?

.....that I want to learn how to rock climb, even though I'm terrified of heights?

.....that I love snuggling? (After I'm *very* comfortable with you.)

.....that I like my grapes really crunchy?

.....that I could listen to Reegan laugh all day?

.....that I want to be a good role model for my brother and sister?

.....that I sing and dance around the house when no one is home?

.....that I love going barefoot?

.....that I want to honor Christ in all I do?

.....that I want to bike across the US?

.....that I wish I was better at piano?

.....that I love acting?

.....that I want a kitten?

.....that I believe in freedom, truth, beauty, and love?

.....that I want to adopt babies from China?

.....that I love running in the rain?

.....that I'm allergic to corn?

.....that I don't care what you think of me or my hat? ;-)

.....that I love each and every one of you, even if I don't always show it?

"I'm absolutely convinced that nothing - nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable - absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us." Romans 8:38-39, The Message

"For I am convinced that neither life nor death, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth nor anything else in all creation can seperate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39, NIV

Tonight I went to Nora for their Sunday nights thing. I got there late and they had already started the Nooma video when I got there. It was one of the ones I had bought off of Amazon without knowing what the topic was. At the time I was greatly struggling with whether or not God could love me. The sins in my life and the things that I had done and that had been done to me just seemed too big. Like God could never forgive me. I had, knowingly and deliberately, sinned against Him. Over and over. Knowing that I was turning my back to Him. Hurting Him. Angering Him. Certainly not giving Him any reason to love me.

When I first became a Christian, Shane asked me if he could tell the youth group leadership team so they could be praying for me. Jodi was in that group and emailed me that night. She told me how excited she was and gave me some Bible verses that had helped her. One of them was Romans 8:38-39.

Even while I was doubting that God could love me, that was the verse that I clung to. Any time the thoughts of "you've sinned too much. You've deliberately done wrong. He can't forgive you. He can't love you" came, I clung to that verse. "It says nothing can seperate me. Nothing!" But still the thoughts came. "You don't really love Him. You wouldn't sin if you did. You wouldn't turn your back to Him if you really loved Him."

Satan is tricky. By no means am I a "the devil is behind every bush" person. But I do believe that Satan will attack by whispering in our ear. And that he will use whatever our weakness is to try and make us give up on God. My weakness is my inability to believe that I am lovable. That I don't have to be good enough or smart enough or pretty enough or sin less or be nicer or tell more people about Jesus. That God loves me just the way I am because that's how He made me.
That's not to say that I just accept how I am and go along sinning as I please. That's an abuse of grace and forgiveness. But I don't have to beat myself up every time I fall. When I fall, I merely need to look up and take the hand that Jesus is offering to me, grab it, and continue walking. Repent and then leave it behind. Learn from it but don't carry it.

So I watched this video. Cried a little. I don't want to say that that was the turning point of my thinking. Something inside shifted though. Just a little. It's not like this was some great "eureka" moment. When Rob Bell said "Whatever you've done, wherever you've been, whatever you will do, God loves you and God always has, and you can't change that" something inside simply said "Oh.....really?" A *slow* process has followed that moment. Now when He says "Do you believe, deep in your heart, that I love you no matter what you've done or will do?" my first reaction isn't "No, how could You?" It's "Yes Lord. By Your wonderous grace and mercy and love, I believe that."

"May your whole life become a response to the truth that you've always been loved, you are loved, and you always will be loved. And may you know, may you know deep in the depths of your soul, that there's nothing you could ever do to make him love you less.
Nothing you could ever do to make God love you less.
Nothing you could ever do to make him love you less.
Nothing.
Nothing."
- Rob Bell, 'Lump'

Maurice has been giving me a hard time about something recently. (Shocker, I know.) His boys and my sister *love* playing together so we try to have play dates on a somewhat regular basis. Schedules and sick/misbehaving children allowing, of course. Unfortunately, I have apparently already spent waaaaay too much time with Maurice because something has rubbed off on me that I never thought could.

CP time.

Now, for those of you scratching your heads, never fear. The first time I got an email invitation to something from Maurice, he mentioned CP time. The only thing I could come up with was Couch Potato so I emailed to inquire about this odd phrase. Apparently, Couch Potato was a bit off. ;-) CP stands for colored people. Let me explain. Maurice and Sally's wedding, for example. Let's say the wedding is scheduled to start at 1:00. At 1:00, Sally's side of the church is full. Maurice's side......isn't. Sally's walking down the asile thinking, "Alright, none of Maurice's people made it." Vows, candle, you may kiss the bride, may I now present to you.......they turn around and Maurice's side is now equally as full as Sally's.

Let me clarify something. I used to be on time to things. Heck, I used to be *early*. When I worked at CFA, I had to be on time. The little clock in the computer told exactly what time you clocked in and the darn thing was 5 minutes fast! Youth group started at 9:30, I was there between 9:15, 9:20. I spent so much time apologizing for being late when I was younger (not to mention time spent waiting around for my parents to pick me up) that when I could drive, I made a point to be on time!

Somehow, that has all changed. I am now on CP time. The Dwelling Place starts at 10:30. I'm usually walking in the door around 11:00. I'm still pretty much on time to work, give or take a few minutes. But Valorie is always running late anyway. And the play dates? Well, let's just say that when I tell Maurice we'll be there at 1:00, he knows that translates into 2:00, at the earliest. And on the days when I'm running errands or something first, he knows not to even bother having the kids clean up the house. We ain't coming.

Last Friday I had called after MOPS and asked if they wanted to do a play date, completely forgetting that I was supposed to take my car in to get it fixed. When I got home, my dad reminded me so I IMed Maurice to let him know. (Got the guilt trip and Mikayla gave me the silent treatment.) Then we ended up not taking it in, so I got yelled at for not coming over once I found out I was free. (Even though by that time the kids would have had a whopping hour to play together.)

On Tuesday I was supposed to come over, except that we had taken the car into the shop Monday and had to pick it up that afternoon. No way was I driving all the way to the East side and then all the way to the West side. So that plan got nipped in the bud. However, with the exception of me forgetting about having to take my car in on Friday, none of this is really anything I could change.

So when Maurice expressed disbelief over Mikayla and me actually coming over today, I (stupidly) said, "The *only* reason the past two times haven't worked out is because my car needed work. It is now fixed. (Here comes the stupid question.....) What could possibly keep us from coming over on Friday?" (Or, as Jon would say, "What could possibly go wrong?" ;-) )

The answer? A power outage that traps my car in the garage!!!!!!!! It mad, crazy stormed last night and the power went out. We're talking sitting in the dark, roasting mini marshmellows over a candle type thing. So I called Maurice and said, "Hey, remember that time when I asked what could possibly keep us from coming over tomorrow?" All he could do was laugh. *sigh*

At least this time can't be blamed on CP time. ;-)

Crystal left a comment on my last post and made some points that I had been thinking but forgot to say in my original blog.

We should be incredibly grateful that God isn't "fair". You know why? If God was fair, there would be no room for mercy. If God was "fair", we'd all get what we have coming to us. We seem to forget that we are sinners, redeemed and forgiven *by His grace and mercy*! Not because we're good people or because we deserve it. He could've let the world go to crap. He could've said that He wanted no part in it.

But He didn't. He instead chose to go the hard route of redemption.

Another thought: when do we complain about something not being fair? When things are going badly for us. When they are going *our* way. When the world is spinning in the direction we like, we don't give a thought to fairness. It's when things start spinning out of control that we turn to God and yell, like any good two-year-old, "That's not fair!"

We are quick to give God the blame for things. When things are fine and dandy, we don't really give Him much thought. Maybe a "Hey, thanks God!". But nothing compared to the cries of outrage when your car breaks down, much less when a hurricane hits or a tsunami wipes out a city. Then we're standing there with our ready finger pointed to the heavens. "It's Your fault this happened! It's not fair!"

As always, I want to take this to a global aspect. What are the things that we usually pronounce unfair? Someone else getting promoted. Someone else getting a better car or house. And yes those things can seem important. But let's put things in perspective here. Unfair is that we here in the US hold something like 99% of the wealth in the world. We aren't even the biggest country in terms of population yet here we are. Unfair is that people around the world live on less than a dollar a day. Unfair is millions of people going without food and clean drinking water. Unfair is the fact that people are dying of AIDS in Africa and they can't even afford medicine to make the pain bearable. Unfair are the babies I saw on the tv who are so weak from malnutrition that when they actually get some milk, they can't even drink it. There were two-year-olds not much bigger than Chase Fuller.

Maybe before we claim that something is unfair, we should step back and take a look at the whole picture.

Jesus is your *what*?!

*flips through Bible*

*looks through hymnal*

*goes through devotional*

I'm sorry, I don't see the words 'Jesus' and 'boyfriend' anywhere together. Descriptions of Jesus: Shepherd, Friend, Savior, Prince of Peace, Wonderful Counselor, Lord of Lords, King of Kings, Emmanuel, Mighty King, Lamb of God. The closest thing I've found to "boyfriend" is "Lover of my soul".

I get the idea behind saying that Jesus is your boyfriend. You're saying that He is all you need and that you don't need a guy to complete you. Which, by the way, I agree with (completely ;-) ). To quote Crystal, one half a person plus another half a person doesn't make a complete anything. It makes a half-assed relationship, is what it does. But I digress. :-D

Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't a boyfriend typically one who takes you on dates and brings you flowers and you cuddle with and kiss? (This is what my sources tell me anyway. ;-) ) I'm sorry but a make-out session with your Savior is all that comes to mind when I hear this. (Or maybe I've just been hanging around Maurice too long. "No shirt, no shoes....." *eye roll*)

I know that this is an idea that's pretty much been given to you by Christian "dating" books. Not to mention the more recent "worship" songs, which are beginning to sound more and more like "baby, you're all that I want" and less like "Jesus, Son of God, holy and awesome and mighty". And now I've got that South Park episode running through my head. Thanks a lot, Sheryl. :-)

Jesus is not your boyfriend. Does He love you? Yes. Is His love passionate? I'd say so. But not in a "ooh, baby, I want you" kind of way. His love is patient, kind, sacrificial, never ending. Don't make Jesus your boyfriend. Make Him your Master Teacher and learn how to love like He does. Then maybe when a nice guy comes along who could be your real boyfriend, you just might be ready for him.

You're no good. You're ugly. You're stupid. You're trash. You'll end up a stripper. No one loves you. You'd be better off dead. No one will care if you go away.

These are the lies that I believed. For years, these lies were my truth. Why did I believe them? Because there was no truth to counter them? Sure, I read my Bible on occasion. It said that God loved me. But He seemed so far away. Besides, another lie was that He didn't care about me either. I was too dirty to even think He might want me. And He had allowed the abuse to happen to me. What kind of loving God would allow that?

It took other people to show me these things for the lies that they were. People who loved me in spite of myself. My stubborness and my determination not to love only small hurdles in their estimation. :-)

My pseudo-dad will every now and then post lists on IM of what he loves/respects about me. These are the truths that I cling to.

"You know, there's a lot I truly admire about you. Did you know that despite your supposed hardness, you have a great deal of compassion for folks? Compassion that sparkles in your eyes, except when you are conscious of it and try to hide it.
You love Jesus. I don't mean that you love Jesus in that way that "we're all supposed to love Jesus." But I mean YOU LOVE JESUS. You care about how he sees you and how what you do reflects on how he is perceived.
You are a friend. I mean a friend's friend. You put their needs ahead of yours (and I'm talking about more than your low self esteem allowing everyone to be more important than you). I mean other people truly matter to you. Your friends are family and you actively treasure them.
You aren't aware of your beauty. Unself-conscious beauty is a truly rare thing. You're like a person not quite comfortable in her own skin, thus able to see the beauty in those around her. All the while unaware of the beauty you possess. Not just physical beauty (the part you are least comfortable with) but that true beauty, the kind best seen with the light of love. The love you have for others. And more importantly, Christ."

L: brb
M: how do i love sunshine
M: let me count the ways
M: one, for the supportive friend that she is
M: two, for the beautiful person i know her to be
M: three, for the way that i observe her with her brother and sister
M: four, for the example she sets for the youth that she works with
M: five, how passionately she loves her friends
M: six, she has such a mature and thinking faith that could put many of her elders to shame.
M: seven, she's smart, a quality much undervalued (though usually by herself)
M: eight, she's self-conscious about her beauty. that's always better than being self-aware about it.
M: nine, she wears her smile like her armor
M: ten, her faith IS her armor
L: stop, i'm gonna bawl
M: eleven, her courage is amazing.

Yeah, he made me cry. :-) But they were good tears. Now I just hope I can actually live up to how I am apparently seen. With friends and a pseudo-family who won't let me forget, maybe I can finally stop believing the lies.

I was stressed about the funeral. Not because I wanted everything to go smoothly or because I was afraid I would cry. I was worried that old family quarrels would be brought up and that everyone would get into a huge fight.

Thank the Lord, it didn't and we didn't.

The viewing went fine, as did the funeral. The get together at my aunt and uncle's afterwards was really fun. Everyone was drinking and talking and laughing. Telling old stories and quoting movies and doing Bill Murry impressions. I thought everything was going great and that maybe, just maybe, forgiveness had been given. I was wrong.

The short end of this is my uncle (my dad and aunt's older brother) has screwed the other family memebers over in the past. He and my aunt really had no use for us. They had their country club and their winter house in Arizona and their Carmelite friends and my family and my aunt's family were the poor, no-good-to-them side of the family.

After dinner on Thanksgiving, my aunt, mom and I were doing the dishes and cleaning the turkey carcass and the other two began talking about Tuesday. All of us had sensed a change in my other aunt. We're hoping it is genuine. In a way (for those of you who have seen 'Crash'), she reminds me of the DA's wife who has everything she could want except for real friendship. And maybe she's realized that the place she can find it is in the place she least expected. With us. I think that it's wonderful, if it sticks. But then my aunt and mom talked about how she seemed to want to "let bygones by bygones" and just forget the past and move on. Without her and my uncle having to do any apologizing or making amends. Neither my mom or aunt seemed very willing to do that.

Now I realized that it is *very* easy for me to almost stand in judgment of them here. While I have felt the effects of the wrongs done to my parents (Lord knows I've *heard* about them all 21 years of my life!), I don't particularly hold any resentment toward my aunt and uncle. Yes, they did some sleezy things. Yes, my family is stuck in the financial situation that they are partially because of my uncle's actions. On a "moral level", they should have known better. And I think that my aunt at least, is feeling some guilt over it.

But didn't Jesus call us to forgive one another? Even when the other person doesn't deserve it? Even when they don't ask for it or apologize? If I'm wrong, please correct me. But I haven't found the list of amendments in the Bible that says "You may withhold forgiveness in the following situations..." Because in the end, forgiveness isn't really about the other person. It's about us and the need to be freed from the bitterness, anger and hurt that that person caused. That doesn't make the other person any less wrong or their actions any less painful. But if you choose to forgive them, something inside of you can begin to heal. And I *know* that my parents and aunt are bitter over what was done to them. I can hear it in their words and see it in their faces. Everything has been eating at them over all these years because they have not forgiven my aunt and uncle. They keep waiting for an apology that, truthfully, I don't think will ever come. Unless my aunt and uncle have a big turn around and come to Christ or something, I don't see them ever bending their pride that much. Maybe I'm wrong. I hope so. Because I also can't see my parents and aunt bending *their* pride and forgiving them without an apology. And that makes me sad.

It makes me sad because I know that this bitterness has shaped them. I know that it's rubbed off on me. I'm sure that it's rubbed off on Joshua, my brother, and David, my cousin. And unless a miracle occurs, the process will continue on to Mikayla. Our choices effect others. My aunt and uncle's choices effected the entire family. My parent's and my aunt's choices to hold onto their bitterness and not forgive are effecting us kids. If I chose not to forgive, it would effect the people around me and any children I may or may not have.

Forgiveness is an art. Not just anyone can forgive, especially when there is no apology. It takes a person of strong character and humility and honor. It takes someone who is willing to live as if the world is as it should be, to show it what it can be. Many of our heros are just that because of their willingness to forgive those who did wrong. Corrie ten Boom. Anne Frank. The Apostle Paul. Jesus. The Nazis, the Pharisees, the Romans, none of them asked for forgiveness. But each of our "heros" forgave anyway.

Forgiveness is an art. It takes strength to be the artist.

In light of the list made by Jon, here is a Girls vs. Women list. It's not complete. The sub-trinity is collaborating to complete it. ;-)

Girls vs. Women

1. Girls ask how they look every five minutes. Women are confident enough to know they look good and smart enough to know if it truly matters.

2. Girls are needy and clingy. Women are independent and have interests outside of you.

3. Girls freak out if you don’t return a phone call. Women are rational and realize that things happen and life is unpredictable. And if you’re truly just not returning her calls, she knows you’re not worth her time.

4. Girls dress provocatively to gain attention. Women can be sexy no matter what they’re wearing.

5. Girls need to have every guy like them, even if they don’t like him. Women know that they aren’t everyone’s type.

6. Girls get their friends to find out if you like them. Women just ask.

7. If you piss them off, girls blog about it and tell all their friends. Women decide whether it’s really worth being pissed over and if it is, they talk to you about it.

8. Girls look to blame everyone but themselves for their shortcomings. Women own up to their mistakes and work to fix them.

9. Girls gossip and speak badly of other girls behind their backs in order to make themselves look good. Women don’t feel threatened by other women and can even sincerely agree when you compliment another woman.

10. Girls are catty and throw each other under a bus to get a guy. Women stand back a minute and know that if you choose the dumb bimbo over her, you aren’t as smart as you look.

11. Girls expect you to read their minds. Women are upfront and honest.

12. Girls take rejection as an insult and plot to make you jealous. Again, women realize that they aren’t everyone’s type and that it’s not a personal attack.

13. Girls bring up your past mistakes in arguments, even the ones you’ve apologized for. Women deal with the problem at hand and know to let things go.

14. Girls create drama and demand that they are the center of attention. Women realize that life has enough drama of it's own and they cherish the "boring" moments.

15. Girls are in constant need of rescuing. Women can discern when it's time for them to be the hero.

16. Girls compare you to other men. Women appreciate each man for his unique qualities and characteristics.

More to come.....

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that others won't feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God in us. It's not just in some; it is in everyone. And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give permission other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others. - Marianne Williamson, 'A Return to Love'

The day we are completely satisfied with what we have been doing; the day we have found the perfect.....answer, never in need of being corrected again, on that day we will know that we are wrong, that we have made the greatest mistake of all. - Vincent Donovan

He who thinks that he is finished, is finished....Those who think they have arrived, have lost their way. Those who think they have reached their goal, have missed it. Those who think they are saints, are demons. - Henri Nouwen

Love is always bestowed as a gift - freely, willingly, and without expectation. We don't love to be loved; we love to love. - Leo Buscaglia

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. - Leo Tolstoy

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking. - Anonymous :-)

Always do what you are afraid to do. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more. - Oscar Wilde

Where there is love, there is life. - Gandhi

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is ready for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. - Winston Churchill

If you judge people, you have no time to love them. - Mother Teresa

Alexander, Caeser, Charlemagne and I have founded empires. But on what did we rest the creations of our genius? Upon force. Jesus Christ rested his empire on love; and at this hour millions of men would die for him. - Napoleon Bonaparte

I never cry. But when I do, it's at the oddest things. For example, I have two older guy cousins. They were about 11 and 13 when I was born so they're in their early 30s. I hadn't seen them in years when we re-met at our grandfather's funeral. Not wanting to go another 10 years without seeing/talking to them, I got John's email address. (He lives in Seattle or something. Everyone else lives here in Indy.) That was November. I just sent him an email tonight. And got one back. And I started tearing up.

I have no idea why. He didn't say anything particularly endearing and he wasn't mean or anything. It's not even that time of the month. So why did I almost bust into tears at a simple email from a cousin I barely know?

I never cry but there are times when I wish I could cry. I know that I should cry. But I can't. Funerals, sad news, people leaving. I don't cry at movies either. There are 3 movies that I have cried at: Hotel Rwanda, Crash, and The Passion of the Christ. (Haha, anyone who was at Josh and Andy's when we watched it knows I bawl at that!)

So what does this mean? That I'm cold hearted? That I don't feel? That my sadness over something isn't real? Or do I just hide it all inside until some weird trigger comes along and then everything is let loose? Because that's the other side of the coin. Not only do I not cry, I *hate* crying in front of people. When we watched The Passion at Josh and Andy's, I went over behind the wall seperating the kitchen and the living room so that they wouldn't see. Then Jenn got there and wrapped me in a hug and that just made me sob harder. Darn her! :-)

There are things that I haven't mourned properly. Even though they aren't always in my thoughts, every now and then something will come up. But I just push it away. "I'll deal with it later. I don't have time right now." And that's how everything builds up. Always later. Until Someone says, "No. Now." He knows. Darn Him too. :-)

I wonder what I need to mourn this time?

Where did we get this idea of "fairness"? It's not something that is particularly Biblical but it seems to be something that is innate. From almost the time we can talk, we begin pronouncing things "unfair". Mom decides which child gets to pick the movie. "That's not fair." A teenager's curfew is earlier then her friends. "That's not fair." A guy's boss picks someone less deserving of the job. "That's not fair."

Don't you know? Life ain't fair.

Where did we come up with this? God isn't "fair". God is merciful. God is just. But He isn't "fair". At least not by our standards and our understanding of this world.

If God was "fair", the good guys would always be stalwart and true and be deservingly rewarded. The bad guys would always get what is coming to them. Eye for an eye and all that. But that's not how it works. Not in this life.

Because this life is screwed up by sin, it's not "fair". Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. Criminals are set free and innocent men are put in jail. Children are kidnapped. Women are beat by their husbands. Hardworking people lose their jobs.

Sometimes I wonder if our sense of "fairness" doesn't override our ability to love and to rejoice with those who rejoice. Heaven and Hell have been used as equalizers. "Well, the wicked can party it up here but then they'll spend eternity in Hell and I'll live forever in the arms of baby Jesus." Is that what Jesus wants us to think? We're talking eternal torment and people want to say, "Got what you deserved!"? I doubt that's what He had in mind.

Life isn't fair. It's messed up and wacky and scary and unpredictable. But we aren't called to fairness. We're called to love.

Yes, I have finally caved and gotten LiveJournal. I probably won't do much blogging here. At best, I'll post links. I do most of my blogging at Blogger and link from Xanga.